( car horns beeping )
IT'S... AH!
MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS.
( Sousa's "Liberty Bell March" playing )
[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
and A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS]
( music ends with whoosh )
( audience laughter )
HAVE YOU FINISHED IN THERE YET?
( overture to Tchaikovsky Piano Concerto playing )
( laughter )
Man: "DEAR SIR, I OBJECT STRONGLY
"TO THE OBVIOUS LAVATORIAL TURN THIS SHOW HAS ALREADY TAKEN.
"WHY DO WE NEVER HEAR ABOUT THE GOOD THINGS IN BRITAIN
"LIKE MARY BIGNALL'S WONDERFUL JUMP IN 1964?
YOURS ETC., KEN VOYEUR."
( crowd cheering )
Man: "DEAR SIR, I OBJECT STRONGLY
"TO THE OBVIOUS ATHLETIC TURN THIS SHOW HAS NOW TAKEN.
"WHY CAN'T WE HEAR MORE ABOUT THE HUMAN BODY?
"THERE IS NOTHING EMBARRASSING OR NASTY ABOUT THE HUMAN BODY
EXCEPT FOR THE INTESTINES AND BITS OF THE BOTTOM."
Man: "DEAR SIR, I OBJECT STRONGLY TO THE LETTERS ON YOUR PROGRAM.
"THEY ARE CLEARLY NOT WRITTEN BY THE GENERAL PUBLIC
"AND ARE MERELY INCLUDED FOR A CHEAP LAUGH.
YOURS ETC., WILLIAM KNICKERS."
( orchestra playing final note )
( toilet flushing )
PubLic: THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY REVOLTING.
NASTY. DISGUSTING. RUBBISH.
( bang )
I, TOO, TAKE STRONG EXCEPTION
TO THIS RESURGENCE OF CHEAP JOKES ABOUT POO-POOS.
MR. VOYEUR'S LETTER STATED VERY... OH... UM... EXCUSE ME.
( toilet flushing )
AS I WAS SAYING, THE LETTER PREVIOUSLY READ MADE QUITE CLEAR
THE VIEW OF A GREAT MAJORITY...
( majesticprocessional playing )
1348... THE BLACK DEATH, TYPHUS, CHOLERA
CONSUMPTION, BUBONIC PLAGUE...
AH, THOSE WERE THE DAYS.
NOW, I'M NOT... I'M...
( applause )
NOW, I'M NOT PREPARED TO GO ON WITH THIS
UNLESS THESE INTERRUPTIONS CEASE-- ALL RIGHT?
RIGHT.
THE DEVASTATING EFFECT
OF THESE...
( clock ticking )
( car horn honking )
( clock ticking )
( engine roaring )
( clock ticking )
( tires squealing )
( loud crashing )
( glasses clinking )
NO, DON'T FOLLOW ME, AND DON'T ZOOM IN ON ME.
NO, I'M OFF, I'M OFF.
THAT'S IT, THAT'S ALL.
I'M OFF.
ARE YOU NERVY, IRRITABLE, DEPRESSED, TIRED OF LIFE?
KEEP IT UP.
( laughter )
THIS HOUSE IS SURROUNDED.
I'M AFRAID I MUST NOT ASK ANYONE
TO LEAVE THE ROOM.
NO, I MUST ASK NOBODY...
NO, I MUST ASK EVERYBODY...
TO... I MUST NOT ASK
ANYONE TO LEAVE...
NO ONE MUST BE ASKED BY ME TO LEAVE ROOM...
NO, NO ONE MUST ASK THE ROOM TO LEAVE I.
I ASK THE ROOM, SHALL MY SOMEONE BE LEFT?
NOT... ASK NOBODY THE ROOM
SOMEBODY LEAVE SHALL I?
SHALL I LEAVE THE ROOM?
EVERYONE MUST LEAVE THE ROOM AS IT IS...
WITH THEM IN IT.
UNDERSTAND?
YOU DON'T WANT ANYBODY TO LEAVE THE ROOM.
( laughter )
NOW, ALDUCE ME TO INTROLOW MYSELF.
I'M SORRY... ALSELF ME TO MYDUCE INTROLOW...
INTROME TO-LOSE MYLOW.
ALME TO YOU INTROSELF MY...
EXCUSE ME A MOMENT.
ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.
I'M AFRAID I MUST ASK THAT NO ONE LEAVE THE ROOM.
ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF: I'M INSPECTOR TIGER.
ALL: TIGER?
WHERE, WHERE?!
( chuckling )
ME TIGER...
YOU JANE.
( growling lewdly )
BEG YOUR PARDON.
ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.
I'M AFRAID I MUST ASK THAT NO ONE LEAVE THE ROOM.
WHY NOT?
ELEMENTARY.
SINCE THE BODY WAS FOUND IN THIS ROOM
AND NO ONE HAS LEFT IT
THEREFORE THE MURDERER MUST BE SOMEBODY
IN THIS ROOM.
WHAT BODY?!
SOMEBODY...
IN THIS ROOM MUST THE MURDERER BE.
THE MURDERER OF THE BODY
IS SOMEBODY IN THIS ROOM
WHICH NOBODY MUST LEAVE.
LEAVE THE BODY IN THE ROOM NOT TO BE LEFT BY ANYBODY.
NOBODY LEAVES ANYBODY OR THE BODY WITH SOMEBODY.
ANYBODY WHO IS ANYBODY SHALL LEAVE THE BODY IN THE ROOM-BODY.
TAKE THE TABLETS, TIGER.
ANYBODY WITH A BODY BUT NOT THE BODY IS NOBODY.
NOBODY LEAVES THE BODY IN THE...
( gulps )
ALBODY ME INTROBODY AL...
( sawing )
NOW FOR SIR GERALD.
THAT'S BETTER.
NOW, I'M INSPECTOR TIGER
AND I MUST ASK THAT NOBODY LEAVE THE ROOM.
NOW, SOMEONE HAS COMMITTED A MURDER HERE
AND THAT MURDERER IS SOMEONE IN THIS ROOM.
THE QUESTION IS... WHO?
LOOK, THERE HASN'T BEEN A MURDER.
NO MURDER?
ALL: NO.
OH.
I DON'T LIKE IT.
IT'S TOO SIMPLE
TOO CLEAR-CUT.
I'D BETTER WAIT.
NO, TOO SIMPLE, TOO CLEAR-CUT.
( man screaming )
( gunshot )
BY JOVE
HE WAS RIGHT!
THIS HOUSE IS SURROUNDED.
I MUST ASK THAT NO ONE LEAVE THE ROOM.
I'M CHIEF SUPERINTENDENT LOOKOUT.
LOOKOUT?
WHAT? WHERE?
( laughter )
OH, ME... LOOKOUT.
LOOKOUT OF THE YARD.
WHY? WHAT WOULD WE SEE?
SORRY?
WELL, WHAT WILL WE SEE IF WE LOOK OUT OF THE YARD?
( laughter )
I'M AFRAID I DON'T FOLLOW THAT AT ALL.
AHA! THE BODY.
SO, THE MURDERER MUST BE SOMEBODY IN THIS ROOM...
UNLESS HE HAD VERY LONG ARMS...
SAY 30 OR 40 FEET.
I THINK WE CAN DISCOUNT THAT ONE.
( laughing )
( laughing uproariously )
"LOOK OUT OF THE YARD"!
VERY GOOD.
RIGHT... NOW WE'LL RECONSTRUCT THE CRIME.
I'LL SIT DOWN HERE.
CONSTABLE, YOU TURN OFF THE LIGHTS.
GOOD.
NOW, THEN...
THERE WAS A SCREAM...
( man screaming )
THEN JUST BEFORE THE LIGHTS WENT UP, THERE WAS A SHOT.
( gunshot )
( laughter )
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
THE HOUSE IS SURROUNDED
AND NOBODY LEAVE THE ROOM
AND ALL THE REST OF IT.
ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.
I'M ASSISTANT CHIEF CONSTABLE THERESAMANBEHINDYER.
ALL: THERESAMANBEHINDYER?
OH, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO CATCH ME
WITH AN OLD ONE LIKE THAT.
RIGHT... LET'S RECONSTRUCT THE CRIME.
CONSTABLE, YOU BE INSPECTOR TIGER.
RIGHT, SIR.
NOBODY LEAVE THE ROOM I SHALL.
SOMEBODY I LEAVE NOBODY IN THE ROOM-BODY
SHALL... TAKE THE TABLETS, TIGER BUDDY.
ALSELF ME...
( applause )
VERY GOOD... JUST SIT DOWN THERE.
VERY GOOD, THANK YOU.
RIGHT.
NOW, WE'LL PRETEND
THE LIGHTS HAVE GONE OUT.
CONSTABLE, YOU SCREAM.
( screaming )
SOMEBODY SHOOTS YOU.
( gunshot )
AND THE DOOR OPENS.
NOBODY MOVE.
I AM CHIEF CONSTABLE FIRE.
ALL: FIRE?
WHERE, WHERE?
WE'RE INTERRUPTING THIS SKETCH
BUT WE'LL BE BRINGING YOU BACK
THE MOMENT ANYTHING INTERESTING HAPPENS.
MEANWHILE, HERE ARE SOME FRIENDS OF MINE.
( brass instruments and drums playing funeral march )
( thud )
( drums picking up tempo )
( trumpet plays upbeat notes )
( jazz playing )
Man: "DEAR SIR.
"I'M SORRY THIS LETTER IS LATE.
"IT SHOULD HAVE COME AT THE BEGINNING OF THE PROGRAM.
YOURS, IVOR BIGBOTTIE, AGE TWO."
FROM THE PLASTIC ARTS, WE TURN TO FOOTBALL.
LAST NIGHT IN THE STADIUM OF LIGHT, JARROW
WE WITNESSED THE RESUSCITATION OF A GREAT FOOTBALLING TRADITION
WHEN JARROW UNITED CAME OF AGE, IN A EUROPEAN SENSE
WITH AN ALMOST PROUSTIAN DISPLAY
OF MODERN EXISTENTIALIST FOOTBALL
VIRTUALLY ANNIHILATING BY MIDFIELD MORAL ARGUMENT
THE NOW SURELY OBSOLESCENT CATENNACHIO DEFENSIVE PHILOSOPHY
OF SIGNOR ALBERTO FANFRINO.
BOLOGNA INDEED WERE A SIDE INTELLECTUALLY OUT-ARGUED
BY A JARROW TEAM THRUSTING AND BURSTING
WITH AGGRESSIVE KANTIAN POSITIVISM
AND OUTSTANDING IN THIS FINE JARROW TEAM
WAS MY MAN OF THE MATCH
THE ARCH-THINKER, FREE-SCHEMING
SCARCELY-EVER-TO-BE-CURBED MIDFIELD COGNOSCENTO
JIMMY BUZZARD.
GOOD EVENING, BRIAN.
JIMMY, AT LEAST ONE AGING FOOTBALL COMMENTATOR
WAS GLADDENED LAST NIGHT BY THE SIGHT OF AN ENGLISH FOOTBALLER
BREAKING FREE OF THE LIMPID TENTACLES
OF PACKED MEDITERRANEAN DEFENSE.
( laughter )
GOOD EVENING, BRIAN.
WERE YOU SURPRISED
AT THE WAY THE ITALIANS CEDED MIDFIELD DOMINANCE
SO EARLY ON IN THE GAME?
( laughter )
WELL, BRIAN...
( scattered laughter )
( more laughter )
I'M OPENING A BOUTIQUE.
THIS IS OF COURSE SYMPTOMATIC OF A NEW BREED OF FOOTBALLER
AS IT IS INDEED SYMPTOMATIC OF YOUR WHOLE GENRE OF PLAYER
IS IT NOT?
( laughter )
GOOD EVENING, BRIAN.
WHAT I'M GETTING AT, JIMMY
IS YOU SEEM TO HAVE DISCOVERED A NEW CONCEPT
WITH THE MODE WITH WHICH YOU DISSECTED THE ITALIAN DEFENSE
LAST NIGHT.
I HIT THE BALL FIRST TIME
AND THERE IT WAS IN THE BACK OF THE NET.
DO YOU THINK JARROW WILL ADOPT
A MORE DEFENSIVE POSTURE
FOR THE FIRST LEG OF THE NEXT TIE IN TURKEY?
I HIT THE BALL FIRST TIME
AND THERE IT WAS IN THE BACK OF THE NET.
YES, YES, BUT HAVE YOU ANY PLANS
FOR DEALING WITH THE FREE-SCORING TURKISH FORWARDS?
WELL, BRIAN...
( laughter )
I'M OPENING A BOUTIQUE.
AND NOW LET'S TAKE A LOOK
AT THE STATE OF PLAY IN THE DETECTIVE SKETCH.
OURSELF ME TO INTROLOW MY BODY.
( gunshot )
( cheering )
( Chopin's "Funeral March" playing )
( music slows to stop )
( funeral march starts again )
( slap )
CHEEKY.
OH, TEMPER, TEMPER.
WELL, SOME OF US DON'T LIKE
HAVING MEN CRAWLING OVER US THE WHOLE TIME.
( growling )
YOU NEED TO TAKE
ALL THE OPPORTUNITIES YOU CAN GET, DEAR.
( squishing )
UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE I CAN MENTION
I'M QUITE HAPPILY MARRIED, THANK YOU.
( creaking )
( explosion )
YES, ATHENA, I'VE BEEN TEARING UP IN THE GARDEN.
( gunshots )
( roaring applause )
( applause instantly stops )
HELLO, GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME
TO YET ANOTHER EDITION OF "INTERESTING PEOPLE."
AND MY FIRST INTERESTING PERSON TONIGHT IS
THE HIGHLY INTERESTING MR. HOWARD STOOLS
FROM KENDAL IN WESTMORELAND.
( loud applause starts abruptly )
( applause suddenly turns off )
GOOD EVENING, MR. STOOLS.
Stools ( squeakily ): HELLO, DAVID.
MR. STOOLS, WHAT MAKES YOU
PARTICULARLY INTERESTING?
Stools: WELL, I'M ONLY HALF AN INCH LONG.
WELL, THAT'S EXTREMELY INTERESTING.
THANK YOU FOR COMING ALONG ON THE SHOW TONIGHT, MR. STOOLS.
Stools: I THOUGHT YOU'D THINK THAT WAS INTERESTING, DAVID, IN FACT...
MR. HOWARD STOOLS FROM KENDAL IN WESTMORELAND, HALF AN INCH LONG.
( applause starts )
( applause suddenly stops )
OUR NEXT GUEST TONIGHT HAS COME ALL THE WAY FROM EGYPT.
HE'S JUST FLOWN INTO LONDON TODAY.
HE'S MR. ALI BAYAN-- HE'S WITH US IN THE STUDIO TONIGHT
AND HE'S STARK RAVING MAD.
( vocalizing madly )
( canned applause )
MR. ALI BAYAN, STARK RAVING MAD.
NOW IT'S TIME FOR OUR MUSIC SPOT
AND WE TURN THE SPOTLIGHT TONIGHT
ON THE RACHEL TOOVEY BICYCLE CHOIR...
( canned applause )
WITH THEIR FANTASTIC ARRANGEMENT OF "MEN OF HARLECH"
FOR BICYCLE BELLS ONLY.
KEEP, MY BABE, NO ILL BETIDE THEE
ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT.
( bicycle bells ringing )
( canned applause )
THE RACHEL TOOVEY BICYCLE CHOIR.
REALLY INTERESTING.
REMEMBER, IF YOU'RE INTERESTING
AND WANT TO APPEAR ON THIS PROGRAM
WRITE YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS ON YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER
AND SEND IT TO THIS ADDRESS.
( canned applause )
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
NOW HERE'S AN INTERESTING PERSON.
APART FROM BEING A FULL-TIME STAPLING MACHINE
HE CAN ALSO GIVE A CAT INFLUENZA.
( clears throat )
( coughing )
( cat sneezing )
( meowing and sneezing )
( canned applause )
YOU CAN'T GET MORE INTERESTING THAN THAT, OR CAN YOU?
WITH ME NOW... WITH ME NOW
IS MR. THOMAS WALTERS OF WEST HARTLEPOOL
WHO IS TOTALLY INVISIBLE.
GOOD EVENING, MR. WALTERS.
Walters: OVER HERE, HUGHIE.
( laughs nervously )
( audience laughter )
MR. WALTERS, ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE INVISIBLE?
OH, YES, MOST CERTAINLY.
WELL, MR. WALTERS, WHAT'S IT LIKE BEING INVISIBLE?
( droning ): WELL, FOR A START, AT THE OFFICE WHERE I WORK
I CAN BE SITTING AT MY DESK ALL DAY
AND THE OTHERS TOTALLY IGNORE ME.
AT HOME, EVEN THOUGH WE ARE IN THE SAME ROOM
MY WIFE DOES NOT SPEAK TO ME FOR HOURS.
PEOPLE PASS ME BY IN THE STREET WITHOUT A GLANCE IN MY DIRECTION
AND I CAN WALK
INTO A ROOM WITHOUT...
WELL, WHILST WE'VE GOT INTERESTING PEOPLE
WE MET MR. OLIVER CAVENDISH WHO...
EVEN NOW YOU YOURSELF DO HARDLY NOTICE ME...
MR. OLIVER CAVENDISH OF LEICESTER
WHO CLAIMS TO BE ABLE TO RECITE THE ENTIRE BIBLE IN ONE SECOND
WHILST BEING STRUCK ON THE HEAD WITH A LARGE AX.
HA, HA, WOW!
WE'VE SINCE DISCOVERED THAT HE WAS A FRAUD.
HE DID NOT... YES, A FRAUD.
HE DID NOT IN FACT RECITE THE ENTIRE BIBLE.
HE MERELY RECITED THE FIRST TWO WORDS, "IN THE"
BEFORE HIS DEATH.
( canned applause )
Compére: AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR "INTERESTING SPORT"
AND THIS WEEK IT'S ALL-IN CRICKET
LIVE FROM THE MUNICIPAL BATHS, CROYDON.
( spectators cheering )
( canned applause )
ALL-IN CRICKET, GREAT, GREAT!
WITH ME NOW IS MR. KEN DOVE
TWICE VOTED MOST INTERESTING MAN IN DORKING.
KEN, I BELIEVE YOU'RE INTERESTED IN SHOUTING.
( shouting ): YES, I'M INTERESTED IN SHOUTING, ALL RIGHT.
BY JOVE, YOU CERTAINLY HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD
WITH THAT PARTICULAR OBSERVATION OF YOURS THEN.
WHAT DOES YOUR WIFE THINK OF THIS?
Woman ( shouting ): I AGREE WITH HIM!
SHUT UP!
( droning ): AT PARTIES, FOR INSTANCE
PEOPLE NEVER COME UP TO ME.
I JUST SIT THERE AND EVERYBODY TOTALLY...
NOW, THAT IS TIDDLES, I BELIEVE.
UM, YES, THIS IS... THIS IS TIDDLES.
YEAH, AND WHAT DOES SHE DO?
SHE FLIES ACROSS THE STUDIO AND LANDS IN A BUCKET OF WATER.
BY HERSELF?
UH, NO, I FLING HER.
WELL, THAT'S EXTREMELY INTERESTING.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MR. DON SAVAGE AND TIDDLES.
( Tiddles yowls )
( hits bucket, water splats )
( shouting ): I'M MORE INTERESTING THAN A WET PUSSYCAT.
Walters ( droning ): ...FOR HOUR AFTER HOUR AFTER HOUR...
YES, GREAT.
WELL, NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME ON TELEVISION
"INTERESTING PEOPLE" BRINGS YOU
A MAN WHO CLAIMS HE CAN SEND BRICKS TO SLEEP BY HYPNOSIS.
MR. KEITH MANIAC FROM GUATEMALA.
GOOD EVENING.
KEITH, YOU CLAIM YOU CAN SEND BRICKS TO SLEEP.
YES, THAT IS CORRECT, I CAN.
ENTIRELY BY HYPNOSIS.
YES, I USE NO ARTIFICIAL MEANS WHATSOEVER.
( Stools screaming )
OH, OH, OH!
( shouting ): YOU'VE INJURED MR. STOOLS!
WELL, I SIMPLY
STARE AT THE BRICK, AND IT GOES TO SLEEP.
WELL, WE HAVE A BRICK HERE.
KEITH, PERHAPS YOU COULD SEND IT TO SLEEP FOR US.
OH, UH... WELL, I'M AFRAID THAT IS ALREADY ASLEEP.
( audience chuckles )
HA! HOW DO YOU KNOW?
( laughter )
WELL, IT'S NOT MOVING.
OH, I SEE.
HAVE WE GOT A MOVING BRICK?
YES, WE'VE GOT
A MOVING BRICK, KEITH.
IT'S COMING OVER NOW.
THERE WE ARE, FAST ASLEEP.
VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD INDEED.
YES, IT'S ALL DONE
WITH THE EYES.
YES, MR. KEITH MANIAC FROM GUATEMALA.
( shouting ): MR. STOOLS!
SPEAK TO ME, HOWARD!
( spectators cheering )
AND NOW FOUR TIRED UNDERTAKERS.
( Chopin's "Funeral March" playing )
( laughter )
( men groaning )
( audience chuckling )
( man grunting )
( stomping )
( audience laughing )
( panting )
( laughter )
Man: WE'RE INTERRUPTING THIS
TO TAKE YOU BACK VERY QUICKLY TO THE JIMMY BUZZARD INTERVIEW
WHERE WE UNDERSTAND SOMETHING EXCITING'S JUST HAPPENED.
I'VE FALLEN OFF MY CHAIR, BRIAN.
( drumbeat with each movement of coffin )
( drum roll )
( laughter )
( laughter continues )
( dog barking )
( laughter )
( drumbeat continues )
( drum roll )
( man and woman giggling )
Man ( whispering ): SHH! I THINK MY WIFE'S BEGINNING TO SUSPECT.
Man: YOU, SHUT UP UP THERE!
Man: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "SHUT UP UP THERE"?
YOU SHUT UP.
OH, SHUT UP!
( all shouting at once )
( pounding )
I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT.
I THINK YOU'LL FIND THIS A BIT MORE INTERESTING.
( laughter )
( bawdy musicplaying )
( with man's voice ): GOOD EVENING.
TONIGHT I WANT TO EXAMINE
THE WHOLE QUESTION OF 18th- CENTURY SOCIAL LEGISLATION...
ITS RELEVANCE
TO THE HIERARCHICAL STRUCTURE OF POST-RENAISSANCE SOCIETY...
AND ITS IMPACT ON THE FUTURE OF PAROCHIAL ORGANIZATION
IN AN EXPANDING AGRARIAN ECONOMY.
( audience chuckles )
BUT FIRST, A BIT OF FUN.
( fast-paced drum riff )
TO PUT ENGLAND'S SOCIAL LEGISLATION
IN A EUROPEAN CONTEXT
IS PROFESSOR GERT VAN DER WHOOPS
OF THE RIJKSMUSEUM IN THE HAGUE.
IN HOLLAND IN THE EARLY PART OF THE 15th CENTURY
THERE WAS THREE THINGS IMPORTANT TO SOCIAL LEGISLATION.
ONE, RISE OF MERCHANT CLASSES
TWO, URBANIZATION OF CRAFT GUILDS
THREE, DECLINING MORAL VALUES
IN AGE OF INCREASING SOCIAL BETTERMENT.
BUT FIRST, A BIT OF FUN.
Choir: DING, DONG, MERRILY ON HIGH
IN HEAV'N THE BELLS ARE RINGING.
( clearing throat )
OH!
( clears throat )
AND NOW PROFESSOR R.J. CANNING.
Choir: GLO-O-OR...
THE CAT SAT ON THE MAT.
AND NOW THE BATTLE OF TRAFALGAR.
TONIGHT WE EXAMINE POPULAR VIEWS OF THIS GREAT BATTLE.
WAS THE BATTLE OF TRAFALGAR FOUGHT
IN THE ATLANTIC OFF SOUTHERN SPAIN
OR WAS IT FOUGHT ON DRY LAND NEAR CUDWORTH IN YORKSHIRE?
HERE IS ONE MAN WHO THINKS IT WAS
AND HERE IS HIS FRIEND.
( laughter )
Canning: WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
THE BATTLE OF TRAFALGAR WAS FOUGHT NEAR CUDWORTH?
BECAUSE DRAKE WAS TOO CLEVER FOR THE GERMAN FLEET.
( laughter )
Canning: I BEG YOUR PARDON?
I'VE FORGOTTEN WHAT I SAID NOW.
( audience laughs )
Canning: MR. GUMBY'S REMARKABLE VIEWS HAVE SPARKED OFF
A WAVE OF CONTROVERSY AMONGST HIS FELLOW HISTORIANS.
WELL, I THINK WE SHOULD, UH...
REAPPRAISE OUR CONCEPT OF THE BATTLE OF TRAFALGAR.
( shouting ): WELL, WELL, I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING MR. GUMBY SAYS.
WELL, UH, I THINK, UH, CEMENT IS MORE INTERESTING
UH, THAN PEOPLE THINK.
ONE SUBJECT-- FOUR DIFFERENT VIEWS.
12 AND SIX IN A PLAIN WRAPPER.
THE STUFF OF HISTORY IS INDEED WOVEN IN THE WOOF.
PEARL HARBOR.
THERE ARE PAGES IN HISTORY'S BOOK
WHICH ARE WRITTEN ON THE GRAND SCALE--
EVENTS SO MOMENTOUS THAT THEY DWARF MAN AND TIME ALIKE.
AND SUCH IS THE BATTLE OF PEARL HARBOR
REENACTED FOR US NOW
BY THE WOMEN OF THE BATLEY TOWNSWOMEN'S GUILD.
Canning: MRS. RITA FAIRBANKS, YOU ORGANIZED
THIS RECONSTRUCTION OF THE BATTLE OF PEARL HARBOR.
WHY?
UH, WELL, ALWAYS BEEN EXTREMELY INTERESTED IN MODERN DRAMA.
WE WERE, OF COURSE, THE FIRST TOWNSWOMEN'S GUILD TO PERFORM
"CAMP ON BLOOD ISLAND," AND LAST YEAR, OF COURSE
WE DID OUR EXTREMELY POPULAR REENACTMENT
OF "NAZI WAR ATROCITIES."
AND SO, THIS YEAR
WE THOUGHT WE'D LIKE TO DO SOMETHING IN A LIGHTER VEIN.
SO YOU CHOSE THE BATTLE OF PEARL HARBOR?
YES, THAT'S RIGHT, WE DID.
WELL, I CAN SEE YOU'RE ALL READY TO GO
SO I'LL JUST WISH YOU GOOD LUCK
IN YOUR LATEST VENTURE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, YOUNG MAN.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
"THE WORLD OF HISTORY" IS PROUD TO PRESENT
THE PREMIERE OF THE BATLEY TOWNSWOMEN'S GUILD
REENACTMENT OF "THE BATTLE OF PEARL HARBOR."
( whistle toots )
( yelling and screaming )
( pig grunting in distance )
THE BATTLE OF PEARL HARBOR.
INCIDENTALLY, I'M SORRY IF I GOT A LITTLE BIT SHIRTY
EARLIER ON IN THE PROGRAM, WHEN I KEPT GETTING INTERRUPTED
BY ALL THESE FILMS AND THINGS THAT KEPT COMING IN, BUT I...
"WE SHALL..."
( laughter )
( gunshots )
"HERETOFORE SHALL THIS SOUL BE RECEIVED UNTO..."
( "Funeral March"playing )
( zippy tune playing )
AND SO I SAID IF IT HAPPENED AGAIN
I'D GET VERY ANGRY AND TALK TO LORD HILL, AND...
( humming )
Canning: TELL LORD HILL.
( Sousa's "Liberty Bell March" playing, applause... )
[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
and A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS]
WHOA!
[Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH EducationaL Foundation]